Chapter 10

Legend has it that right before a person dies, a life lantern flashes before their eyes, reviewing their entire life.

I looked back on my twenty-three years of life, seeing the parents I hadn’t seen in a long time, seeing the landlord who bullied me. Eight was too young, and those memories flashed by in an instant. Then came Ji Wenmu—various versions of Ji Wenmu.

I knew clearly that giving up a fifteen-year-long affection would necessarily entail pain like cutting off flesh. I was nowhere near as free-spirited as I imagined, able to let go the moment I said I would. But right now, the thoughts in my head were truly crystal clear.

I liked Ji Wenmu because he had offered me a promise of protection, a protective stance, right when I needed a sense of security the most. But the reality was, he had someone more important to protect.

Ji Wenmu held the empire and great righteousness in his heart. He had people he wanted to protect, and he wasn’t trapped in the petty squabbles of romance, obsessing over whether we were brothers or not.

I was the same.

It was just a pity I had wasted fifteen years. Now that I finally figured it out, it was already too late.

I had thought about how I would die.

My mother always told me to protect myself, but after she was forced to death, I didn’t even have the freedom to walk out of the landlord’s woodshed. At that time, I thought I would starve to death in that place filled only with firewood and rats.

After going to the battlefield, I thought I could die at any moment beneath a blade, at the tip of a spear—die on the battlefield.

After returning to the capital, I thought perhaps I would peacefully die of old age.

The result was contrary to my expectations, and quite frustrating.

…

When I opened my eyes, I really thought I had died.

It was a handsome young gentleman who woke me up. His eyes were clear, as if brimming with water.

“General Liu.”

He called me, and I remembered who he was. It was the young doctor who had offered to escort me home.

I opened my mouth, but only produced a harsh, ugly croak.

He told me, “Your vocal cords were injured, General. Do not speak for these next few days, just rest well, and you will be able to speak again in the future.”

He changed the dressing on my neck and fed me water, his movements extremely practiced.

I pulled his hand over and traced on his palm, “Why is it you?”

Wasn’t I at the hunting grounds? Even if I was saved, it should have been the imperial physicians treating me.

He seemed ticklish, his fingers curling up several times. “I heard the General was injured and came to the manor to visit. The imperial physicians were at their wits’ end, but I wanted to try.”

Was his medical skill that incredible?

Perhaps reading the look in my eyes, he smiled somewhat bashfully. “I was once abducted into a bandit lair. The boss there kept me around to treat their illnesses and injuries. They lived with their blood on their blades; having treated so many, I have some experience with this kind of wound.”

I wrote on his hand again, “Thank you.”

He shook his head. “I’ll go call Madam Ji and Young General Ji.”

Before he could get up, I grabbed him. He looked back at me in confusion. I glanced around. The layout of this place was very familiar to me, yet also very unfamiliar. Stroke by stroke, I wrote on his palm, “Where is this?”

He looked bewildered for a moment, then frowned. “General Liu, this is your estate.”

When Aunt Ji came to see me, her eyes were red and swollen. She hugged me and cried her heart out, regretting that she shouldn’t have let me join the army. I struggled to poke my head out and met Ji Wenmu’s gaze.

He remained silent. We made eye contact for a second before he lowered his eyes.

Liang Ji spoke from the side, “Madam Ji, General Liu’s injuries are gradually recovering, but…”

Everyone looked at him.

“She seems to have forgotten some things.”

“Forgotten things? Forgotten what?” Aunt Ji looked at me. “Minmin, do you still remember me?”

I nodded.

Liang Ji said, “She hasn’t forgotten most things, but she forgot this is her estate, when she moved in, and why. She doesn’t remember these details. There might be other things, but since General Liu cannot speak right now, it is still unclear.”

Aunt Ji hugged me and started crying all over again.

I didn’t feel much about it. The things I forgot didn’t seem very important anyway, so I ended up comforting Aunt Ji instead.

After Aunt Ji and Liang Ji left, Ji Wenmu didn’t leave. He came to my bedside but didn’t say a word.

It made me suspect whether I was the mute one, or if he was.

I tugged on his sleeve and wrote on his hand, “What exactly happened?”

I saw his Adam’s apple bob. His voice was incredibly low and hoarse, as if he hadn’t spoken in a very long time.

“There were remnants of a rebel faction in the court. They planted their people among the guards.”

I nodded. A slight movement made my neck hurt again, so I frowned and inhaled sharply.

He suddenly raised his hand, his index finger nearing my cheek, brushing just short of a touch.

“Amin.”

He finally withdrew his hand, his voice trembling. “It should have been me who ate that piece of chicken, me who got poisoned, me who…”

I wrote on his hand, stroke by stroke, “This isn’t your fault.”

He crouched down, his tall frame suddenly shrinking. He leaned against the head of my bed, burying his face in the hand I was using to write. I felt my palm gradually growing damp.

He was really regressing. I hadn’t seen him cry in seven or eight years. When did he become so fragile? It wasn’t like I was dead.

“You almost died right in front of my eyes.”

He spoke in a low voice, thick with lingering fear and self-blame. “And I couldn’t even save you.”

I pulled my hand back, pulled his palm over, and wrote, “Your duty is to protect Her Majesty.”

After a moment’s thought, I continued writing, “From the moment I decided to enlist, I had already put life and death aside.”